What happens when your bridesmaid or MOH becomes a nightmare? Has she been totally unresponsive or taken over all the planning? Perhaps she’s totally ignoring your wishes or just decided to have a cookie-smashing fit of jealousy at the wedding shower a la Kristen Wiig.
Even with a level headed bride and oodles of planning, weddings can become a stressful time for everyone involved. Bridesmaids feel an obligation emotionally and financially to accommodate the bride and it can become a volatile situation no matter how good the intentions. Here are some nightmare scenarios and how to handle them like a lady.
MOH/Bridesmaid take over
She’s taken over the shower, the bachelorette party and is now choosing the color of your linens. Sit her down immediately and tell her how much you appreciate what she’s done so far. But that this is an experience you want to share with your hubby-to-be. Have a list and delegate the tasks that you think she would be good at, pointing out how great she would be at those particular tasks. It’s a touchy subject but it’s your day and the final say is yours!
They Said “No” to the Dress
You chose the dress but she refuses to wear it. Or, you let them have input on the bridesmaid frocks and now there’s warfare over the color, length, style. Try to handle the situation by suggesting a two-toned or multi-style dress so each gal can wear it her way but still stay in the color scheme.
Two tone bridesmaid dress from JLM Couture
Styling your dress is endless with Two Birds Bridesmaid
Trouble Amongst Bridesmaids
Even worse than bridesmaids not following directions, is each one fighting for your attention and trying to outdo the other. Along the lines of dealing with a take over, sit the guilty parties down and tell them how much you want this to be a good experience for everyone involved. After a heart to heart, they should realize how much the fighting and turmoil could spoil your affair and they should simmer down. And if they don’t, ignore the cattiness. You don’t want to get involved in the drama or be forced to choose sides.
She hasn’t responded to your texts or emails about dresses, fittings, tasks – at all. Maybe she’s just really busy but if you see her updating her status on Facebook, it can be a really hurtful reminder of her lack of interest. I had a similar experience where one of bridesmaids didn’t respond to emails, didn’t come for the bachelorette party or rehearsal dinner (she lived an hour away so I was surprised that she didn’t even RSVP). The morning after, we hosted a breakfast for friends and family and she insisted on taking lead to the location in downtown Chicago. Since she refused to take the directions we handed out the day before, she led my two girlfriends on a wild goose chase to the wrong location across town and they showed up after everyone else had eaten and left. Her behavior broke my heart but I didn’t let it ruin my day. I later found out that she had been going through a really stressful time at home.
Everyone has their own life and reason for doing what they do. During this potentially stressful time, focus on the joys and milestones of being engaged. Take a deep breath when things aren’t perfect and relish in the things that are. It all goes by so quickly, you can’t fret about what others are doing. Be there for your girls and lament when you need to. But going through this experience with grace will make you a glowing bride that everyone will be looking to and at the day of. Good luck!